Human Misery
by Anime Psychologist
Summary: A psychologist goes into the minds of the NERV children in hopes to resolve their internal struggles. Will he succeed? Please R&R. **Please note that this story is on hiatus until further notice.**
1. One's Phone Call

Hello and welcome. I decided to make an OC here and I hope he won't sound queer with some of you guys. Before I get started, I just want to set the setting. This is after episode 11 and the story will go along with the original plot line.

Blah, Blah, Blah: Self dialogue

_Blah, Blah, Blah: _Thoughts, whispers, someone on the phone

**_Blah, Blah, Blah:_ **OC's thoughts

Just to let you know, I don't own Neon Genesis Evangelion or NGE. Just the OC.

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_All humans face hardships. Some struggle with them and quickly overcome them while others are left trapped within the negative feelings that bind them. Those who help the trapped ones come in all shapes and sizes and so do all the stories they share._

_This is the story of a man who's didn't know he was shaping the world. This is his story…_

_

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_

**Human Miseries**

**

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Chapter One: One's Phone Call **

The year 2015: where humans advances in the world of technology. After the war many people have gotten back to the world of routine. However humans still live with a darkness that has long since plagued them. Its name…human suffering.

Human suffering. It exists through the human mind, human history and sheer human emotion. Some believe that someone who enjoys other people's suffering and pain is a monster. I believe it has a name…an agonist.

I am such a person. I play on people's emotions and despairs. I am someone who myself is cursed with such a pleasure. Some people call me sick…some people who are like me call me a good person. It matters not.

My name? I have a name but an alias. ' M'. Funny how a word can depict one's identity. Why is my name an alias? I won't say however I will hint that it has to do in what I do. I am a psychologist working with Tokyo-3's mental hospital facility. A good life…listening to all these people stories and problems and then delivering swift judgement. Same salary, good lifestyle, that's all there is. However their problems had proved boring once a good 15 years pass you by. That was **_my_** problem. No pain…no emotional anguish in these beings I refer them being inferior to me. I thought I saw it all…I was wrong.

At the mental hospital facility I was at my desk working on some paper work for a patient that…unfortunately died due to personal means when I received a phone call. The phone, that I didn't know at the time, that would change my life. With less enthusiasm, I answered the phone.

"Hello?"

"_Hello…'M?' A funny name."_

"What do you want?"

"_I only wish to talk about something that would indeed peak your interests."_

"I'm listening," I shifted myself. Anything was better than paperwork.

"_I work for NERV."_

"For whom? Ah, never mind. Do you have a name?"

"_Yes…but I decide now to reveal it to you at this time."_

"Then this conversation is over." I knew of NERV's existence through a friend in the underground. He was a scientist there working with them and seeded information to those who paid him. Two days later, he was dead. The investigators said it was caused by a murder however I knew it had to be those NERV people. Therefore I made my own conclusion about them. Those who worked for NERV and being involved in their activities were at risk of being eliminated from existence. I was about to hang up the phone when the voice continued.

The voice asked me, _"are you happy?"_

I answered him, "in my present circumstances, no."

"_Why?"_

"Does it concern you? My personal life is my own."

"_I've reviewed your pervious cases and from the results, I know that you have a certain passion for your job. However you're not satisfied with your job, are you."_

"No, I am not." This was true. I liked my job and did it to the highest degree. However I wasn't happy.

"_The job doesn't give you what you want. Hardships…pains…internal sufferings. These are the things that you want. I have some people that have trouble cooping with their life situations that all have those things…and maybe more."_

The offer was tempting. For so long I have wanted an opportunity to be presented with these things. It began to rain. As the raindrops beat down on the window, I decided to continued this conversation.

"What are we talking about here? Who are these 'people'?

"_These 'people'. They are special. They have unique abilities that are proven to be an asset to NERV. However their emotions and struggles are getting in the way. We've heard of your exploits, your cases, your ability to go the extreme. With the salary and with the residence, you'll be able to experience what you've long sought."_

I thought about this. I haven't gone back to my present con. **_"These people are dangerous and shouldn't be dealt with lightly. If I am to work for them, I'll be living in fear. However…what do I have to lose?"_**

Again I spoke, "give me time. You shall have my answer in two days." Two days was all I needed to find out what was this all about.

"_Very well. I shall meet at your office at 2:00pm, two days from now. I shall e-mail information about these 'people' I was referring to."_

"Wait, you know my e-mail address?"

"_Yes. All personal information that we desire becomes ours. Don't worry, your privacy will be protected, I assure you."_

"Humph." I was certainly disturbed by this. Those who controlled your economic status in society controlled your life. "Before I let you go, I must have your name."

A long pause, then the voice answered, "Kozo Fuyutsuki. That's all you need to know." The phone clicked and I put down the phone. I looked at the window with the raindrops dripping down. What did I just got myself into?

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The OC I hope wasn't idiotic. Anyways I hope that you liked the first chapter. Please R&R. 


	2. Briefing

Hello again. Anyways, here's chapter two. I know that a physical description wasn't given however it's been added to the first paragraph so you'll have an idea. Here goes…

Don't own NGE

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**Human Misery**

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**Chapter Two: Briefing**

The next day, being the brown haired, blue eyed man that I am, woke up and did my usual routine which consisted of brushing, washing, eating and heading out the door. A medium build as with weighing in 160 at 177 cm in height such as myself wouldn't have problems living in a world such as this. After arriving at the hospital, I had gotten into my office and checked my e-mail. Sure enough, there was an e-mail from NERV.

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_To M,_

_Enclosed is the information about the people we were talking about last night. This information is strictly classified and any revelation to anyone about this will result in severe consequences. This information must be private and your activity in this matter must also be private._

_Deputy Commander_

_Kozo Fuyutsuki_

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"_**Geez, no pressure,"**_ I thought to myself. These people were serious. There were five attachments in which they were named first child, second child, and third child. Going from first to last, I clicked on 'first child'. After downloading it, my documents programmed opened and there was the information.

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_Rei Ayanami _

_Age 14 _

_Sex Female _

_Birthday Unknown_

_Problems: __socially withdrawn and hardly interacts with anyone. C__ool and emotionally-stunted personality has garnered the scorn of her schoolmates. W__ill follow instructions without comment or rejection._

_Processes doll-like qualities_

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I quickly grabbed my pen and a piece of paper and wrote down _"First child shows signs of SPD (Schizoid Personality Disorder). So much like a doll…Extreme intervention is necessary._ I clicked on 'second child'. A quick download and the information were shown.

_

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__Asuka Langley Soryu _

_Age 14 _

_Sex Female _

_Birthday December 4, 2001 _

_Relations Mother: Kyoko Zeppelin Soryu_

_Father: "Papa"_

_Step-mother: "Mama"_

_Guardian: Misato Katsuragi_

_Former Guardian: Ryoji Kaji_

_Hails from Germany, but with an American father and a half-German, half-Japanese mother_

_Relations mother went insane after an experiement and began to believe that an Asuka-like doll was, in fact, her daughter, to the point that she refused to even acknowledge the real Asuka_

_Relations mother hung herself while father re-marries._

_Greatly fears being inadequate, often venting by lashing out at others_

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"**_What a nut,"_** I thought to myself. However I couldn't blame her. After what happened to her, she had every right to feel this way. Again I took to my pen and paper and wrote down, _"Second child suffers from NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder). Intensive supervision necessary. _Taking to other file, I clicked 'third child'. This information was what really made me going…_

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__Shinji Ikari_

_Age 14 _

_Sex Male _

_Birthday June 6, 2001 _

_Relations Father: Gendo Ikari_

_Mother: Yui Ikari_

_Guardian: Misato Katsuragi _

_Father is head of NERV. __Abandoned by his father when he was a toddler. __Runs away from difficult situations. __During time with guardian, learns to be less cowardly, more outspoken, and more confident_

_Apparently cares for others. _

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I slumped on my chair. _"**Hmmm…"**_I then took to my pen and paper again and wrote, "_Third child suffers from APD (Avoidant personality disorder)_. _Further evaluation needed. _Then I looked at my notes. **_"Wait a minute…"_** I made a connection. They were all children. What was NERV doing with children? I looked at the documents again and saw that both Asuka and Shinji were with the same guardian. Misato Katsuragi. What influence could she have on those kids. Questions had arisen and different situations arose. However the phone rang.

"_M?"_ It was the secretary. _"Your patient is here for your 9:00."_

"Send him in," I answered her. As the door opened I knew that this had to all wait as I still had a job to do.

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I hope that this chapter was a bit better. What will happen next? Please R&R. 


	3. M’s Mysterious Life

Thank you for the reviews. Anyways, requests have been made so I made this chapter follow through both the requests and the plots. I hope you enjoy. 

Please note that there maybe some slight OOC's in the story. This is for them to adapt in their new situations.

I don't own NGE.

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**Human Misery**

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**Chapter Three: M's Mysterious Life**

The day came and went and so did the second day. To know what to expect is one thing but to expect the unexpected…that kind of thing would keep you on edge. It was a Friday morning when I realized that my meeting with the Vice Commander was at 2:00 this afternoon.

"**_This will complicate things,"_ **I said to myself as I was getting ready. I had gathered enough information to see what I was getting into. The scientist that was murdered had connections and soon enough I had myself inside their little secret circle. After seeing three people and paying half my salary, I knew more about NERV. NERV is presently the UN Special Agency…or at least that's the rouse. I found out that NERV created the protectors of Tokyo-3 or 'Evangelions'. Clones of god one man graciously commented. For a little extra, I found about SEELE, NERV's secret backer. Incidentally, SEELE was also involved in UN activities and also were NERV's superior. I didn't know how they got the information nor I didn't care. It got me what I wanted. It's astounding how human greed can manipulate a person however I shouldn't complain. I knew about the whole work background. So with a deep breath, I headed out the door.

The morning came without any incident. Just your normal everyday problems that couldn't be solved without any amount of skill or knowledge. It was about 2:00, our appointed scheduled time when I received a phone call.

"_M?"_ It was the secretary again. Damn, I wish she would stop calling me and give me time to myself. However I knew that wasn't about to happen anytime soon.

"What is it?" I asked her coldly. I had enough of these people wanting nothing more to do in their pathetic lives than to make me solve their problems.

"_There are some people wanting to see you. Some guy named Kozo Fuyutsuki and a woman who didn't want to give out her name." _

I knew it was him. But the woman… "Send them in." A few minutes later, an elderly man wearing dark violet all over him. The woman on his left wore red and black, with a silver cross around her neck. She also wore a red beret.

The man introduced himself, "Deputy Commander of NERV, Kozo Fuyutsuki. To my left is Major Misato Katsuragi." The woman kept a straight face.

Seeing her face, this gave me uneasy thoughts. **_"Right…"_ **I offered them seats and I sat right behind my desk. I had a feeling this was going to be a long meeting.

They gave me their attitude and I gave them theirs. "Are you people always mysterious or you do this on purpose just to piss people off?"

"We don't do this purposely," Fuyutsuki explained. "NERV's true activity is top secret that even in the wrong hands can and will prove devastating."

I was still unconvinced by their shady behavior. "Okay…and I care…why?"

"We don't have time for this," Misato said crossly. "Honestly, I don't know why you even want a psychologist to…"

"Misato," Fuyutsuki said in a stern tone, "you know why were are here. I would like you to not butt into every conversation that may contradict your every beliefs.

"… … …"

"**_She decided to remain quiet. That's a good thing."_ **I knew that this was an inappropriate thought however her sudden outburst was…not necessary.

Fuyutsuki began again. "M. Do you know of NERV and what we do?"

"Yes. I did some background checks on you guys."

"What kind of checks?" Misato asked suspiciously.

"The kind of checks that I dare not mention. I have connections, as you would say."

Fuyutsuki gave a sigh. "Very well. I won't ask about how you found out information about us. It gives me time to explain. All I want to know…is you. All about you."

I answered him irritably, "is this what this meeting is all about?"

"We can't trust you without knowing you first. Entrust us with your history and we shall entrust you with ours."

I thought for a moment. My past was dark and bleak. However if I was going to gain their cooperation, then I should at least tell them my history.

"Very well. You better get comfortable because this is going to be long." We all got comfortable and I began my story.

"I was a happy kid. Living in a childhood fantasy. My mother was a housewife while my father was a Professor of Philosophy at Kanto University, located in what is now the in heart of Tokyo-3. Then…the Second Impact happened and the war began. My father left my mother and me when I was 18 as he was chosen to mediate the tensions between the enemy nations at the time. He was on a peacekeeping mission in India when he was killed during a fire fight. We were both devastated of course however it was my mother who showed it the most. She stopped eating, she stopped drinking. All she ever did was watch the television. Two days later, she was found dead. Eyes wide open and mouth closed shut. And me? She had put me with my Aunt Mira's who lived outside of Tokyo-3. I didn't need someone to tell me that my mother was dead. How did I know this? She did this kind of behavior before taking me to my Aunt Mira's. The result was expected. I went to Tokyo University where I studied psychology and some philosophy. Then I landed a job here…Funny. My father died a hero while my mother died a broken widow. Pathetic, don't you think?"

My guests were watching me. When I had said my last line, I swear Misato's jaw must have dropped when I said this.

She whispered, "Don't speak ill of the dead. Even when their your own parents."

I scoffed at this. "Who cares? They were both a bunch of pathetic humans. Worthless maggots…"

This really ticked her off. "WHO CARES?" she shouted. "They were your parents! They cared about you. Last time I checked, your a human with human emotion!"

"We humans drag upon our pasts like a chain and a ball. Fear, anger, deep regret. These emotions are what pushes us to our end. I hated my parents, I'll admit. My father, being a workaholic while my mother a perfectionist. They constantly argued with each other, even to a point where they wanted to hit each other. And they did. However they did loved each other. I was almost…touched at their funeral. However such moments pass quickly. After my parents death, I decided to cast off this…human emotional shell of mine and become something other than a human. Humans cannot help other humans because how we were created. To feel each other's emotions I consider a curse. To become something other than a human and not feeling those emotions coming from others was the life-changing decision of my life. I'm glad I made that choice.Being compassionate, caring, forgiving…all a rouse because what it comes down to is you doing your job."

I had the impression that our converstion was too cold and dark as Misato got up and she stormed out of the room. Fuyutsuki looked at me for a while and then said, "you start tomorrow morning at 10:00. Be in front of your house no later than 8:00. You'll meet up with the children and the staff." He then quickly left.

A secret conversation between Misato and Fuyutsuki took place.

"He's not human," Misato said irritably, "I'm sure he's glad about that fact."

"Cold, harsh and precise. It's no wonder he carries a high reputation within the psychological community. He has no emotions to weigh him down."

"Still…the children won't take a liking to him. I'm sure Asuka will fight him off."

"Yes…but he has a way of getting into a person's head."

"How about Rei? You sure knows that she doesn't need him."

"Yes…" Fuyutsuki mumbled. "However Gendo wanted to make Rei open up more so she can adapt to the world a lot better. Her appearance maybe that of a human but her personality…"

Both were silent, deep within their own thoughts.

I saw the two leave in a bright red car. The clouds danced in the sky. I had the files on the children printed off for my personal viewing. I took all three and analyzed them and then after a while I put down. The secretary called me again with another patient. Fiddle-di-di, tomorrow's going to be a different day.

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I hope that this chapter lived up to everyone's expectations. Anyways, please R&R. 


	4. To Whom This May Concern

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To Whom It May Concern: 

Let me first say that I like what I see. It's been a few days since I posted this story and it has been having some attention. The reason why it maybe so popular could be because Neon Genesis Evangelion is mainstream in some parts of the world. Anyways, that's my view. The reason why I am taking a break from writing my story is to talk about the reviews.

Most of the reviews are that of constructive criticism and that's okay. However things can get haywire when there is a lot of constructive criticism. Some of the reviews also contain questions and contractions that may in fact endanger the characters to be OOC. I'll be happy to explain.

Why don't we start of with the issue of Rei. In some of the reviews, some people are getting the impression that Rei is in fact the 'perfect human' and therefore has no reason to be part of the psychological storyline you see before you. The idea of Gendo having Rei to be committed is absurd, ridiculous and wouldn't happen in a million years. Let me tell you something boys and girls…there is no such thing as a perfect human. All humans either cloned or real, have flaws. Some of them physical while others psychological. In Rei's case, her psychological flaw remains to be seen. Of course in the anime, Rei questions her authenticity by means of seeing more of her or her clones. That could be an issue. Like I said, her psychological flaw remains to be seen.

Second of all, the disorders in the story. I'll be blunt. There are many disorders in the anime. It is shown in the characters actions, movement, etc, etc. A well trained psychologist who would have seen the whole series can probably name a thousand symptoms and match them up to the closest disorder in no time. I, in the other hand, am very young for my age and that kind of knowledge would take intensive researching and figuring out what proper disorder some characters have. Asuka can have Borderline Personality Disorder or Shinji can have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, just to name a few. Unfortunately, I have a life and being busy as it is the facts does not really matter to me. Sorry to a few of you.

My final issue would be the OC, M. M is Byronic hero meaning that he's idealistic however flawed in his own way even though he thinks of himself 'superior' to everyone else. I could have given M god-like powers and let him destroy the whole world or make him a wuss just like Shinji so they would have something in common. The fact of the matter is that OC's can be created easily by the human mind. However giving those boundaries, limitations, realistic…those are the things that must be put into account if you want to have a successful story. Another thing would be his mysterious ways which I will summarize in a short minute.

There is a lot of thing going on with this story. Reasons could be because I'm just anxious to write the next chapter or reasons could be because of people demanding more. However all of these issues revolve into one thing…patience. That's right. That one word says it all. Constructive criticism for this story resolves around the fact that they want to see what happens next. Ergo this criticism is some-what shaping the story to their own best interest. Bottom line is this. This is my story and I'll be damned if anyone else says so!

So anyways, I'm sorry if this thing offended some people and I'm sorry if this thing really hurts some people in the way. I didn't really want to write this thing. I wanted to write the next chapter. However some views must be heard, some questions must be answered. If you have any comments or suggestions about this issue, please click on the review button below or send an e-mail. ABOVE ALL, NO FLAMES.

Remember, "Patience is a virtue". Thank you for your time.

Anime Psychologist

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	5. Inside The Geofront

Okay…now I'm back on track. Thank you all for the reviews. Anyways, here's the next chapter so I hope you find it acceptable.

Don't own NGE

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**Human Misery**

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Chapter Five: Inside The Geofront **

I've had packed all my stuff that I need the night before. Early the next morning, I waited at the front entrance. At 7:55, a car sped over to where I was. The driver was Misato.

"**_Ah, crap…"_** After our little confrontation yesterday, I thought that she didn't want to see my face again.

"Get in," she said irritably. I did so obeyingly and thus we were off to NERV headquarters.

I asked her, "Why are you here?"

"Because I was chosen to be the escort," she said, not looking at me. We were silent for about an hour. Then our discussion began again.

"Why?"

"Hmmm?"

"Why do you act the way you do?"

"I thought I made that clear yesterday."

"Your past made you a total asshole?"

"Say what you will. Your words cannot reach me. No words can."

"Hmmm…" The conversation was short however I had the impression that Misato wanted to pry more into my life. However that was something I wouldn't let anyone do in the near future. Two hours later, we arrived at our destination. It was an underground entrance where Misato swiped in her card that opened a secret entrance. It was cold and dark for a while but then we came across into an underground parking lot. After that, I was shown the elevator that took us to a huge place. Misato and I still didn't talk even after Kozo greeted us.

"Welcome to NERV headquarters," he said.

"Spare me the salutations, Kozo. Let's get the introductions over with."

"_The new person has arrived,"_ a voice said. We all turned around to see a man with red shades, a brown beard and hair wearing a red shirt and a black attire.

"_Gendo_," Kozo mumbled. Turning towards me, he introduced his 'friend.' "M, this is Gendo Ikari, Head Commander of NERV." We both exchanged looks.

"Hmmm…" he turned to Misato. "Major, please prepare the children and some of the staff for the arrival of our…new employee."

"Understood sir," she said obeyingly. She took a quick look at me and then walked off. I was then led towards an elevator and we went to the upper levels of the building. We then arrived to a large room.

"**_Must be Gendo's office,"_** I thought to myself. Taking a seat beside Kozo and Gendo taking his respectable place, we began to talk.

"I'm sure that Kozo has filled you in most of the details."

"Indeed he has…"

Gendo made a motion to the sub-commander to leave. Kozo got up and whispered in his ear, _"Are you sure you want to be left with this man?"_

"_Yes," _Gendo replied.

"_He has a…tendency to…erupt in certain situations. Just be careful in what you say."_

"_Kozo... You are dismissed."_ Kozo gave a bow and then went over to the elevator. Gendo gave a sigh and then spoke.

"You're going to be a handful to work with, I can tell."

"Why do you say that?" I asked him. "Is it a first impression thing?"

"You can say that," he said, turning around and not making eye contact. "The two children…Asuka and Shinji. I know that psychological treatment for them is needed However for Rei…That's a different story."

"Rei?"

"The idea of her of psychological treatment wasn't my idea. It was Misato's and Kozo's. They felt that she could better perform better as an EVA pilot if she developed a relationship with her fellow pilots. A preposterous idea really."

"Then why did you agree to it?" I asked him. "Was it simply because you felt some sort of degree of obligation to her or was it for another reason."

"No. The reason why I agreed to this was because of the sake of my own goals and ambitions."

"And what would those be?"

"You shall find out…all in due time."

"So you see her as a tool for your own use."

"You can say that."

I was silent for a moment. Then I remembered the tidbit fact of Gendo being Shinji's father. "How about your son? Is he a tool as well?"

He turned around and looked at me, "Those children are nothing more than pilots who are destined to protect us all. Nothing more…nothing less." He showed me the door with a gesture. The conversation was over and he had pretty much won that bout. However I knew that our little discussion didn't make any headway in our beginning relationship. Kozo was waiting for me outside. We both walked towards the elevator.

"How did the conversation with Gendo go?"

"Cold…very cold."

"You'll get used to him…eventually…maybe."

"These children…they are nothing more than attack dogs working for the UN?"

"That's how Gendo sees them. However our perception of the children are much more different than his. They are humans beings like you and me."

"Right…"

"What's wrong?"

"Many secrets are here. I'm guessing that Gendo is hiding something…as of all of you."

"Which brings me to an other point," Kozo said as he stopped. "Just how did you find information about us?"

"I won't say," I said stubbornly. My connections ran throughout the city. It was because of my father. During my childhood, he took me to his friends who knew about recent government activity. Some of the men were politicians, generals and all those higher ups. That's how I knew about NERV and SEELE. My connections heard and knew about them. If my father was alive I would have gotten the information for free. However that wasn't the case and they took in bribery in compensation for this fact. You can say that I was a powerful man however I did not exorcise this power daily. It was for the sake of knowing a patient…or patients for that matter.

"NERV's existence is not known by many to the public. The evangelions is what's known to the public. If you even spill one drop of information to a terrorist group, I'll…"

"Your threats bore me Kozo. I have no plans or reasons to rat you guys out anytime soon."

"You better…" Kozo said warningly. _"No respect for authority. I suppose this should be expected from him…"_

We continued to walk through a long hallway. We came to two large doors.

"This is where the evangelions are kept. Inside are the children you'll be working with as with some of the staff."

I gave a sigh. Even though I looked relaxed, I felt nervous about this whole thing. Nevertheless…

I turned to Kozo. "Let's just get this thing done." He gave a nod and we entered through the doors.

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So what will happen now? Some things may be left unexplained but that's because of the allotted time. Anyways, please R&R. 


	6. Who's Who

Introductions guys and gals. I hope that you like this chapter.

Don't own NGE

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**Human Misery**

**

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Chapter Six: Who's Who**

When I opened those doors, I really didn't know what to expect. I mean, really. All I read was recorded behavior about these children. It would take some time to get a going relationship with them.

… … …

… … …

… … …

Oh, who was I kidding! The reports clearly stated that these kids had disorders that would make it very difficult to create relationship with them (excluding Rei of course who was like a doll and will follow every order you give her.) I had a feeling that the other two would pose more of a problem to me than anyone else. My chances of creating such a relationship were two things: slim and none. At least, that was my view anyways. New people were clearly seen when I entered the room.

I saw Misato and standing right beside her were three people: one boy and two girls and they were wearing school uniforms. The girl on the left had white hair, blue eyes with a blank look. The boy in the middle had brown hair, brown eyes and a look of concern. The girl on the right had red hair, blue eyes and a look that she was ready to kill me. The rest of the group who was standing at the opposite side of Misato was wearing standard NERV uniform outfits. A woman with short brown hair, a man with brown spiked hair, and another man with short brown hair looked at me simultaneously. There was also a woman with blond hair with a mole under her left cheek.

Kozo introduced me, "this is the new employee that we were talking about everyone. M, this is some of the staff you'll be working with."

The woman who obviously looked like a scientist introduced herself first. "I'm Ritsuko Akagi, head scientist here at NERV." The rest of them introduced themselves accordingly.

"I'm Makoto Hyuga, first lieutenant and computer technician. My associates, Maya Ibuki and Shigeru Aoba also hold the rank of lieutenant."

"I can introduce myself," Maya said offensively. Shigeru shrugged, "pay no attention to her. She's always offended by something."

"What was that?"

Misato broke up the beginning argument. "Never mind. I suppose you want the children to introduce themselves as well?"

Since I had their files which contained their pictures as well and their pictures were fresh in my mind, I had no need for them to talk. "That won't be necessary." I walked up to them. They looked at me.

"I am M," I said as I introduced myself. I gave them a slight bow to show that a part of me was a gentleman. "I'm a man of few words however that is because of introductions. I am a psychologist it is my job to see what's going on in your little brains of yours. I don't know you and you don't know me. Respect me and I shall respect you. Do the opposite and we'll have a problem."

"You certainly have a high opinion of yourself, don't you." It was the red haired girl Asuka who talked. I just smiled however. If she saw me angry, she would know that I didn't pose a bother to her.

"Ah, so you're Asuka. We're going to be special friends."

"Yeah right. Who do you think I am?" she shouted angrily.

"Asuka," Shinji tried to intervene.

Asuka snapped back at him, "Shut up, can't you see I'm talking to someone!" Instantly, Shinji was back to his quiet self.

"To answer your pervious question, I think that you're a girl who has an attitude problem. Now if you don't mind…" Answering her question in a way, I walked over to Rei and she looked at me with her blank stare.

"I bet your name is Rei, right?"

She gave a slight nod. "That is correct, sir." Preferably, I wanted her not to call me sir. However knowing that she wouldn't open up directly, I decided to let her be.

"Are we done yet?" Asuka asked impatiently. "Unlike you, we have lives."

Sure, I could tolerate Asuka's attitude…however her impudence was rather annoying. _"You're quiet the rude one, aren't you…"_ I gave a cough and then spoke again. "We'll be seeing each other during the weekends and after school so it won't effect your schoolwork. Your superiors will give you directions to Tokyo-3's mental facility. Asuka, I'll see you on Mondays and Tuesdays. Shinji, I'll see you on Wednesdays and Thursdays and Rei, I'll see you on Fridays and Saturdays. I'll see all of you on Sundays at the same time. The time you should be arriving at the facility will be 4:00 in the afternoon. Your superiors have already looked over the schedule and it is approved by them. Failure to show up will result in disciplinary action. Tomorrow's Monday so I'll see Asuka first."

Shinji and Asuka looked at Misato. "It's true, unfortunately."

Asuka then just exploded, "Shit, your taking all our time because of this guy!"

"Will you calm down?" Misato shouted back. "It's very important that we take care of these personal matters of yours."

"Besides," Makoto intervened, "it's a good way to increase your sync ratio."

"Bullshit!" Asuka screamed and she stormed out of the place mumbling something I couldn't understand.

"Let her be," Kozo finally said. "I'm sorry you have to see that. The rest of you are dismissed."

"Yes sir," everyone simultaneously responded and all of them went their merry way. Kozo turned to me.

"Are up to this?" he asked me. However my attention was elsewhere. My eyes were fixed on the machines.

"Are these…"

"Yes they are," Kozo went beside me. "These are the Evangelions, the protectors of the people. There are here to defend Tokyo-3 from any angel attack." Seeing that I was in deep though, Kozo left me in the hanger alone.

Indeed I was in deep thought. I was thinking what to have for dinner tonight…

* * *

I'm sorry if this chapter is a bit rushed. The sessions are coming up and the first one is Asuka. How will it turn out? Please R&R. 


	7. Hater

This is it, the first session. I hope that you enjoy it.

Don't own NGE

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**Human Misery**

**

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Chapter Seven: Hater**

Dark blue eyes. 

Upon further examination, I noticed that Shinji's eyes were actually dark blue. However, that wasn't the thing that concerned me right now. Anyways, it was Monday. As the last patient walked out of the door and it was nearing 2:55, I was wondering if Asuka was going to show up. Despite her rather obnoxious behaviour and her uncontrollable temper, she was a kid in need of assistance. I paged the secretary.

"_Yes?"_

"Tell me. Is there a young girl with red hair and blue eyes sitting there?"

There was a moment of silence. Her voice came back, "_Nope. No one. Are you looking for someone like that?"_

"Yeah, she's a patient. If she comes, send her here."

"_Right away."_ So I waited. After what seemed like minutes (ten to be precise) another page.

"What is it?" I asked her.

"_M, that girl you were talking about earlier? Well, she's here now. I sent her over to you._"

"Good. Thank you." That was the first time that I ever said 'thank you' to my secretary. I didn't know how she put up with me. Either she had great integrity or she's just doing her job, I don't know. Another few minutes passed by and then there was a knock on the door.

"Come in," I said while not looking. In came Asuka with a yellow dress wearing plaid coloured slippers. Without a word, she took a seat.

"**_Do you always have a tendency to come in late?"_** I wondered. Before I could say anything, she spoke.

"I don't know why am I even here. I didn't do anything wrong."

Setting my pen down, I replied to her remark. "Well if you didn't do anything wrong, you wouldn't be here now would you."

"Are you trying to be funny?"

"No, I'm trying to understand your logic."

"Logic?" she questioned me, "there is no logic."

"Yes there is. There is logic in every conversation, every word you speak, every movement you do and every interaction that you make. Therefore, referring back to your question, you asked me why are you here? You believe that you didn't do anything and therefore you shouldn't be here. That is your logic. However everyone has different logic than yourself, there are no two that are the same. Your logic is different from your superiors' logic. Your superiors say that you have problems and in which they have sent you to me to help you. That is their logic."

"…You've lost me."

I shifted myself for a conversation. "Logic, to some people, are symbols that help them understand and solve a problem. However the logic that we're looking at is trying to make sense of something. The problem isn't about symbols…it's about the words and trying to understand them."

After a while, we were silent. I looked at her and she looked at me. After a while, Asuka spoke. "So…what do we do now?"

"Well…besides from the obvious behaviour and that disruptive view of yours, that's all I know about you. Why don't you tell me about your childhood."

She was silent for a moment. Then, without any reason, she exploded. "Why the hell do I want to share that with you!"

"For starters," I said calmly while writing down some notes, "I don't know you, remember? I am not a mind reader, I am not a gypsy nor a person that can read minds. If we are ever going to make any headway and if you wish to get out of this room anytime soon, then I suggest that you do what I ask. Failure to do so and…well, you get the picture."

Asuka started to mutter, _"Dummer Dummkopf. Er, daß er weiß alles in der Welt…." _

I didn't have to get a translator to hear that she was insulting me. "And please don't mutter in German. Saying something in a different tongue practically means that you're hiding your own ignorance."

"Jeez, nothing gets past you, does it?"

"Yes, it is my gift to the world." Putting my pen down and giving a sigh, I spoke to her. "You have two options. Either stay here and stubbornly wait until 8:00 in the evening in which the facility closes and forces the two of us out or tell me what I want to know in order for you to get out of here earlier. Your choice."

Again she was silent. After five minutes of silence, she responded. "I'll tell you. But you must never reveal this to anyone. I swear, I will kill you if you do." Her expression was dead serious. Then she began.

"My childhood…My mother was involved in a Evangelion-related project and after that she was admitted to a mental facility just like this one. Everyday she would talk to her 'doll'. I looked through a window to see her. I received a nickname from her... 'that girl over there.' It didn't take a genius to see that I was replaced by a doll. This continued through days, weeks, months on end. Several years had passed by. I had received my university degree…"

"In what?"

"Why?"

"So it would complete the mental picture."

"Well you can shove that mental picture up your ass because I won't tell you."

Seeing that my prying was getting to her, I stopping prying altogether. "Next?"

"After that, I had gotten the message that I had become an EVA pilot. I was so happy and the first person I wanted to tell was my mother. I went to see her…however…" She stopped talking. "I don't have to tell you this. I won't."

I took another note on my paper. "It was in the report, yes, you don't have to tell me." In the report, Asuka's mother hung herself. Right beside her was a doll who was also hung. The doll symbolized …Asuka. Why would she hang a doll that symbolizes Asuka. Maybe she didn't want to die alone?

"I promised myself I would cry anymore. Crying makes people weak."

"Right…"

"You don't believe me?"

"I was just talking to myself. Please go on."

Letting this remark go, Asuka continued. "My father then remarried to some woman…"

"Some woman? Does she have a name?"

"I don't know. I don't remember." She replied to this coldly. It didn't matter because I could have easily have someone check for her background information back at NERV HQ. "I don't hate her. We just don't have any connections to each other, you know what I mean? Oh, who am I kidding, you don't know what I mean."

"It's my job to know what you are suppose to mean. Nevertheless…"

"I was then transferred to NERV HQ to receive additional training and to be support for the other pilots. That's where we are now…"

Of course, I knew of her history. However I wanted to see if Asuka could tell it in her POV. I jotted down a few more notes. Asuka was getting impatient.

"I told you what you needed to know," she said finally. "We had a deal!"

"And I am a man of my word. You are dismissed." Asuka got up, fixed her dress and headed out. She slammed the door behind her.

I gave yet another sigh and I looked through my notes:

_Asuka shows aggressive behaviour (no duh!) and lack of authority. (i.e: arriving late.)_

_Childhood was traumatic. Teen hood just the same. It may have contributed to her behaviour today._

_Shows great love to her mother even though her mother didn't show her any love._

_Relations with her step mother and father is quite harsh. Shows that Asuka may in fact hate her father for his somewhat betrayal and her step-mother replacing the only thing she loved in her childhood._

_A child prodigy. The kid is only 14 and she has her university degree? Why is she in the same school as Rei and Shinji (who are obviously high school students)? I have to check on that._

_With the conversation, I notice that Asuka lashes out on specific situations such as the death of her mother and the name of her step-mother._

_The overall evaluation for today: Asuka is very uncomfortable about her past altogether. I could get a lot of mileage out of that one…_

I know what you're thinking. I have a sick mind. However Asuka's past is the key to her future. I silently stared at the night sky.

Asuka got home late at night. (Approximately 7:00 in the evening. By that time, everything was dark.) When she arrived, a party was already taking place. She put down her bag and joined the rest of the people consisted of Shinji, Rei, Misato, and Ritsuko. It also consisted of three children, two boys and one girl. One of the boys had curly hair, freckles and was wearing glasses. The other boy had black short hair with a tough-guy look. The girl had dark brunette hair in ponytails. There was also a man present with an aftershave, brown hair with a ponytail at the end and with a tired look.

"Look who's here," the tough guy greeted Asuka.

"Shut up, Toji, I don't need your shit right now!" Asuka yelled back.

"What happened to you Asuka?" the girl asked.

"Hikari…I don't want to talk about it. I'm sorry."

The girl, who was known as Hikari, stood in front of Toji. "See what you did!"

The boy with glasses stood up, " Hey, Toji was only asking…"

"Kensuke, stay of out this!" Hikari hissed at him. Immediately, Kensuke was silent.

Asuka mumbled, _"congratulations on your promotion, Misato…" _

Misato laughed, "I heard that too many times already. Thank you, Asuka."

"Maybe you'll hear it again," the man with the ponytail joked. "Again and again and again…"

Misato jabbed him in the gut. "Kaji, don't say such stupid things."

As the conversations continued, Shinji walked over to Asuka.

"Everything okay?" Shinji asked.

"Shinji…"

"Wha…What is it?"

"PISS OFF!" Shinji took a step back. Asuka then went to her room and sided the door with such a force that it bounced up and down. The people had mixed reaction with this. In the seclusion of her room, Asuka buried herself inside the pillows.

"_Who the hell does that guy think he is? He doesn't no me, he can't help me. What he's doing is a waste of time. Dammit, why do they want me to hanging around people like him…"_

Misato and Ritsuko talked in whispers.

"_You think M did something to her_?" Misato asked.

Ritsuko gave a shrug, "_I have no idea what he did. What it is, it got Asuka off. This could effect her sync ratio."_

"_I'm going to have a talk with our psychologist. I have no idea why Kozo hired him in the first place. It is beyond me." _

"Who are we talking about?" The girls turned to see Kaji looking at them. "It seems that you know who did this to Asuka."

"It may have been the new psychologist, M," Misato answered him.

"M? That's a weird name."

Ritsuko took a sip of her drink, "Whatever. You'll have the chance to meet him tomorrow morning, after the test."

Kaji shrugged and the party continued despite Asuka's behaviour. From the room, Asuka could here the people there having good time. She put a pillow over her head and started to hum loudly.

I was still looking at the sky when the secetary left. As she closed the door, I realized something.

I realized that the past controls the future. The same concept of 'cut of the head and the body will fall.' Using someone's past would be proven useful...

* * *

Someone is not happy. Anyways, I think that there are some stuff missing or some parts left out. Anyways, if you find anything…review. Please R&R. 


	8. M’s First Angel Action

Hello….hello. I've taken your request into account. There maybe some grammar mistakes but the plot is there. Furthermore, there are some transcripted parts in this but only the small parts. This is to go with the plotline. As for the storyline itself, we're on episode 12. Hope you enjoy.

Don't own NGE.

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**Human Misery**

**

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Chapter Eight: M's First Angel Action **

To know what to expect from the unexpected…that's what makes life so interesting. However, to me, that wasn't the case. For example, I knew that Asuka was pissed off after our little talk. It was natural. I exposed her to her deep, dark life and, in a way, she suffered. What occurred to me…I liked her suffering. It was appealing.

The next morning, I got up and following a map that Kozo mail to me a while back took the transit to the entrance of NERV's secret subway line. Following the instructions on the map, I swiped my card through a card reader and the doors opened.

As I walked in, I heard someone shout, "HEY, WAIT UP!"

I turned around and I see a man with brown hair and a ponytail running towards me. He was carrying a briefcase. My first thought was closing the door on him however seeing as he was coming in fast, I graciously let him in. As the door closed shut and he panted on the floor, I had suspicions.

Being defensive, I asked him, "Okay, who the hell are you and how do you know about this place?"

The man stopped panting and showed me his card. "I work at NERV. You can call me Kaji." He stopped and thought for a moment. "Wait a minute... Are you the new guy?"

The train came and we had an empty car. Talking time.

"You're the man with the one letter name. You're…who…umm…" Just then, Kaji snapped his fingers, "Yeah, I remember now. You're M."

"How do you know me?"

"Well… Ritsuko told me about you. Only your name."

"So you have yet to know me."

"I guess…" He laid back on the seats. "We had a party at Misato's place yesterday. Celebrating her promotion and all."

"To what?"

"Major. Anyways, during the celebration Asuka arrived and she looked angry."

I couldn't resist. "Gee, I wonder why?" I asked him sarcastically.

"I have my reasons that you did something to her. Why did you do?"

I was right. Asuka was pissed about our little talk. "Asuka gave me the highlights of her past."

"What?"

"You heard me," I said, shifting myself. "I wanted to know about her past. So I had her tell me."

Kaji crossed his arms. "You could have easily checked her files."

"Yes…but her telling it is much easier than looking through files. **_And it was fun, too…seeing her squirm._**"

"And what did that accomplish?"

"That she has problems with her past. Control the past and you control the future. The reverse also remains true."

"I guess…Just don't overdo it? Asuka has enough problems as it is."

"Concerned, are we?"

"You can say that." The train came to a halt. We had arrived at our destination.

Kaji got off first, "I'm going to the command center. Just to say hi and Misato and the others. Are you coming?" Just then red lights start to flash.

I smiled at him. "Might as well. It would prove quite the entertainment." We raced towards the command center and when we arrived, it was organized chaos.

Misato, Ritsuko as well as the lieutenants were working hard in their positions.

"Commander Ikari's status?" Misato asked.

Shigeru typed away at his computer. "Contact is impossible due to the Angel's intense jamming."

Misato turned to Maya, "What does Magi suggest?

"They unanimously recommend evacuation," was the reply.

Ritsuko, who was quiet until this point, asked, "What do you want to do? You are the only available command officer."

Misato thought for a moment. "Connect to the appropriate Japanese ministries--special declaration D17 under NERV's authority. Evacuation of all citizens within a 50 kilometer radius. Request the backup of Magi to Matsushiro."

"Right," Makoto answered. "I'm issuing the order right now."

Kaji and I arrived to where the others were. Misato wasn't to thrilled to see me.

"What the hell are you doing here?" she yelled. "I've just issued a D-17. Last time I checked, you're non-essential."

"Where are the commanders?" I asked.

Maya answered, "They're out. Commanders Gendo and Fuyutsuki are away on business."

"And I'm in charge," Misato butted in. "Unless you can write up commands for the computer or pilot an EVA, you're pretty useless. Here's the deal: either get out or I'll throw you out!"

Now I could have seen myself out however I thought it would be a good chance to see how the pilots work together in times of crisis. I had no intention of leaving.

"New deal Misato," I said to her, taking a seat. "You either let me stay here and let me evaluate the pilots for myself or I get thrown out and I resign my position in which Kozo will have a fit about it once he gets back. It's either win-win or lose-lose…Your choice."

Misato gave a huge grunt. She then preceded to yell, "just don't get in my way!"

While Misato and Ritsuko took a washroom break and the others working hard on their computers, I turned my attention to the screen. There was a creature on the screen. It had three eyes, one on the left, one on the center and one on the right. It had an usual shape.

"Is that an angel?" I asked Kaji.

"The tenth angel, yes." Kaji answered. "I heard from Misato that it had been dropping pieces of itself during the last few hours. We've been trying to collect data on it however it has the ability to jam signals. Just like an EMP."

"For what purpose? Why does it do that?"

"To refine its aim…and finally to ram its body over right into NERV HQ. If we don't stop it, NERV HQ as well as Tokyo-3 will be the extension of the Pacific Ocean."

"How will you solve this situation?"

"Misato's working on it," Kaji said with confidence.

"**_Then in that case…we're all going to die."_** However a part of me thought otherwise. It was about thirty minutes before Misato's plan commenced. The pilots arrived at the command center. During that time, I didn't move a muscle.

Asuka's reaction to my presence was the same as Misato's. "What is he doing here!" she shouted.

"I'm just here making some observations." I said to her as a response. "Just try to pretend that I'm not here."

Asuka crossed her arms, "It's pretty hard to do that...since your egoistic mouth will run every time we screw up."

"**_You impudent…_**" I wanted to reply to her snide comment however that wouldn't be helping the situation, now would it.

Asuka gave a grin, "Ha, the doctor has nothing new to say, that's a first."

"That's enough, Asuka," Misato had finally intervened. "You can bother him after the mission." Misato gave a run-down on what they had to do. The plan was simple, really. The MAGI would calculate where the angel was going to land. Using the EVA's, they create something called an AT-field or an 'absolute terror' field. It was some kind of force field that repels all normal weaponry, according to Kaji. Two EVAs would use their AT-field against the angel, causing its own AT-field to go caput. Then the remaining EVA would hit the angel while it was down.

"Sounds a bit risky," Kaji pointed out. "Are you willing the sacrifice the EVAs for the sake of the city?"

"Yes," Misato said confidently. "It is for the city."

I just sat there, not saying anything. Personally it was for her selfish ambitions. A good commanding officer must weight all of the options presented and thus able to make an efficient solution. It was obvious that she didn't do this step-by-step. Was this really the only choice…or something more? The pilots took their leave and all the staff took their positions. Only twenty minutes remained.

Kaji and I walked in the hallway, getting a cup of coffee on the way.

"What do you think about Misato's plan?" he asked me out of the blue.

"What do you want me to think, Kaji?"

"I don't know. I think that her plan is too risky. It maybe possible she's going along with this rational decision because there's no time to think towards another solution."

"I don't know," I said to him, drinking my coffee rather carefully. "I think that there's something more in her plan." It's true. Despite her rather constructive views and beliefs, she was a capable Major. She wouldn't go along with a plan…unless she counted on the plan to work.

Ten minutes later, the pilots were already inside their EVAs and awaiting launch. The angel, who had long ceased bombarding its pieces towards Tokyo-3, had begun to plummet towards out position.

"Your plan better work," Kaji warned.

Misato scoffed at this, "It will work, don't worry." She turned her attention to the main screen. "The target's calculated trajectory is based solely on visual observation. Magi will instruct you until the range is 1000, after which you're on your own. I trust you all."

"Giving your pilots faith?" I asked her.

She turned to me, "don't you do that to your co-workers?"

"Having faith…a sign of respect."

"Hmmm…" Again Misato turned her attention to the action. The pilots simultaneously went towards the angel. The purple EVA extended its AT-field and so did the blue EVA. The red one then used a giant knife and stabbed it in its center. The angel flattened…seconds later, a blast.

"_Son of a gun…"_ Kaji whispered. "_They did it."_

After a while, the pilots assembled into the command center. A beep then was heard. Shigeru looked at his screen, "Wireless system restored--connection requested from Commander Ikari in Antarctica."

Misato gave an order, "Yes, please connect him."

"Yes ma'am." Seconds later, Misato spoke through the speaker. "I am extremely sorry. Unit One was damaged solely through selfish judgments on my part. I take full responsibility for everything."

Kozo was heard through the speaker, "I don't care. The annihilation of Angels is Eva's mission. It was fortunate there was relatively little damage."

Gendo then was heard through the speaker. "Yes. You've done it, Major Katsuragi."

"Thank you sir," Misato said as she accepted the praise.

Gendo continued, "By the way, is the pilot of Unit One there?"

"Yes," Shinji answered obeying.

"I've heard the story. You did it, Shinji."

"Eh, yes," Shinji said, accepting the greeting. I wondered about this.

"Then, Major Katsuragi, I shall let you handle the aftermath," Gendo said, concluding the conversation.

"Yes sir." The connection was then cut. As Maya and the rest of the team typed away and the pilots took their leave, Kaji and I walked out of the door.

"Misato can be crazy at times," Kaji commented, "but she can be pretty smart in situations. This action proves this."

"Indeed." I had to agree with him. Misato's character, determination and skill certainly proved to me that she was a capable officer. Whether she looked the part or not.

Just then, Maya ran towards us. "I'm glad that I caught you. Will you be seeing Shinji today?"

Then I remembered that it was his turn with me today. It was 2:30 now. Probably too late.

"Nah," I answered her. "He's been through enough. Tell Shinji that I expect to see him tomorrow morning at 9:00."

"Yes sir," she said and she walked back to the command center.

"I heard that Misato would give the pilots a steak dinner if they were successful. Misato will do anything in her power to get the things that she wants." Kaji and I headed towards the elevators.

"I have some stuff to do," he said as his elevator opened.

"And I'm going home," I said as my elevator opened. We both walked in simultaneously. As my elevator door closed, someone grabbed the door at the last minute. It was interesting. You wouldn't believe who it was.

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Cliffhangers, who could it be? Anyways Shinji's session will be in the morning while Rei's session will be in the afternoon. I hope that clears it up a little. Please R&R. 


	9. The Spineless Pilot

Sorry for the late update. Writer's block and all. Anyways, I hope you like this chapter. Another thing, a new OC. Enjoy.

Don't own NGE.

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**Human Misery**

**

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Chapter Nine: The Spineless Pilot**

It was a man with a black suit, white shirt and a black tie. His dark brown hair and his black shades made him look…intimidating. As he walked into the elevator with me, he stood with a mechanical pose. He then proceeded to look at me.

"**_Why is he doing that?"_** I wondered as he looked on. He gave two coughs and then spoke.

"You are M, are you not?"

"That is what most people call me, yes."

He then presented himself. "I am Special NERV Agent Alvin Smith."

"…What's your job here?"

"I make sure that all information about NERV and its activities are kept under lock and key. I also…take care of the people who do find out about NERV's activities and…sedate them."

"Okay…" I extended my hand as it would be rude to not introduce yourself to a total stranger. "Please to meet you, Alvin." However, he did not respond to this.

"Smith will suffice. I am also ordered to keep an eye on you as you cannot be trusted…yet. "

"Says who?" Really, I was wondering.

"The major, the commanders…just to name a few."

"Right…" The elevator doors opened. Smith got off. "I shall take my leave." He turned around and started to walk away.

"**_A strange one he is,"_** I thought about this. The superiors didn't trust me. I was sure as hell that Misato didn't trust me. Oh well, what can you do? When working for an organization that was hiding its true motives you're bound to secrecy. I disregarded Smith and headed home.

The next morning, I got up and as I was getting ready I received a call. Naturally, I picked up the phone.

I answered in a daze, "Hello?"

The voice spoke, _"M? Ritsuko here. I was wondering if you could cancel Shinji's appointment with you as he and the other pilots are doing some tests here in the lab." _

I was getting sick and tired of these constant interruptions. "Can't you reschedule?" I asked irritably. "Do you really need all of the pilots? I only want Shinji this morning."

"_Well…I…"_

"You could also reschedule the test at a different time. Say…11:30? I also plan to see Rei however that will be in the afternoon. The test will be long done afterwards.

There was a long pause. Then…_ "Okay, we'll do it your way. I want Shinji back here by 11:30, no later. Otherwise, I'll send Misato after you." _

"**_Have the banshee after me, just perfect._** Well whatever, you'll have your pilot by then." I hung up and resumed my daily routine.

It was about 8:55 when I received a page from my secretary.

"What is it?" I asked her.

"_There's a kid here. He said that he's here to see you."_

"**_Must be Shinji,"_** I thought to myself. "Send him in." A few minutes passed and there was Shinji at the door. He wore a white t-shirt, brown pants and shoes and a face that expressed nervousness.

"Good morning, sir," he greeted me. Unlike Asuka, this boy had manners. Like Asuka, he had problems. Lots and lots of problems.

"Have a seat, Shinji," I said to him. He took a seat and it seemed that his mind was some place else.

"What's on your mind?" I asked him while doing some paperwork.

"Ah…well…" I stopped to look at him. He was fidgeting with his fingers and his eyes looked away. "Nothing really. I'm just a little nervous, that's all."

"About what?" I asked him. "About me? About this whole thing?"

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like that. It's just that…um…"

"How do you feel besides being nervous?"

I looked at Shinji and he immediately turned away.

"Don't look away."

Shinji attempted to look at me but then stopped his effort. "I'm sorry."

"Stop apologizing, you didn't do anything wrong." Shinji continued to look down in silence.

I asked him, "why won't you look at me?"

"… … …" not a word. Then he look at me with the response, "I just don't feel like talking today."

"**_Jeez, talk much?"_** I wanted to say that to him but that wouldn't help the situation, now would it?

"Maybe not talking is fine for you. However, I wouldn't be doing my job if I didn't let you talk."

"I guess not…"

"Well…"

He looked at me with his what's-going-to-happen-look. "What?"

"Why don't you tell me about yourself. Your hobbies, your talents, your-"

"I play the cello. Although…I not really good at it."

"Oh really?" I asked him while getting up. His eyes were fixed on me as if they were saying _'what the hell are you up too, you crazy doctor?'_ Years ago, a co-worker gave me a cello for my birthday. He claimed that getting a hobby would calm me down some more. He however made one mistake: I didn't have any interests in musical instruments. So now I kept the cello (which had collected dust over the years) in a little corner of my office. A constant reminder that people will give you the crappiest gifts due to false impressions. As I took the cello out and as I laid it before him, he looked at it…then he looked at me.

"I don't think I have to explain you anything to you at this point."

He stared at the cello. After a few minutes he picked up the cello, prepped it up and then began to play. Minutes later, as he was finishing his song, I watched him. He looked concentrated in his playing. He stopped, signaling the end of the song.

"I hope that was okay," he said to me. I just looked at him.

"It was fine," I said to him. "You looked serious when you play. Like you have no pleasure."

"No, I enjoy playing."

"You sure have a weird way of expressing it."

Shinji put the cello away. I walked back to my desk. "Why don't you tell me more about yourself and we'll call it a day. I got one: tell me about the people who interact on a daily basis. Starting from your guardian…"

"My guardian? Oh, you mean Misato. Well, she isn't bad. She has her quirks, her horrible sense of responsibility and messy habits but she can be serious at times. Rei is quiet but she means well and Asuka is…well…"

"Hostile, dangerous, scary as hell?" Seriously, this was true.

"Don't say things like that. Asuka is a good person…even though she doesn't show it."

I wrote down a note for later. "Anyways, please continue with your list."

"My two friends: Toji and Kensuke and the people back at NERV."

I wrote down some more notes and asked him, "speaking of the people back at NERV, how about your relationship with your father."

Shinji froze when I asked him this question. He was looking down at this point. Then he simply said in a serious tone, "it's good but it could be better."

I wrote down some more notes and then glanced at the clock. It was 10:30.

"Okay, I think we're done here."

Shinji gave a sigh and then picked up his cell phone. "Excuse me sir." He then dialed and talked into the phone. _"Yeah, Misato…"_

As he was talking into the phone, I looked at my notes:

_Shinji is anti-social. He doesn't like to have people around him._

_A good cello player although he says he's not good at it. This shows he lacks self-confidence. _

_His relations with his father is horrible and friends, wavering. He seems that he fears his father and the people around him although some of them act kind towards him _

_About his two friends: Toji and Kensuke. I have to ask him about that. _

_Very formal in conversation, polite yet very quiet. Very, very quiet. _

_Shinji is always apologetic. He has the feeling that people are out to get him. He's not trusting. _

_Overall evaluation for today: Shinji has no spine. He prefers to stay quiet and to himself. Need to work on those skills._

As I was done reading my notes, Shinji was done talking on the phone. He got up.

"I'll be leaving now."

"Okay Shinji," I said to him, wavering my hand while getting some paperwork done. "I'll see you later. Tell Rei I'm expecting to see her this afternoon."

"I will." He then took his leave. I watched him leaving the building and a reckless car stopping fifteen minutes later. As he went into the car, the driver's hand was out of the car window and stuck its middle finger at me.

I was positive it was Misato. "**_Cute…"_** and I waved back. The car drove away and with another page and another patient, I went back to my regular duties. Rei's appointment would be coming this afternoon and I wouldn't want to miss that, now would I?

* * *

Okay…an introduction of an OC and Shinji's evaluation. Anyways, no flames and please R&R. 


	10. Sir, Yes Sir

Sorry for the late update. Anyways, I like the reviews and don't worry, I haven't abandoned this story. We're at Rei so it must be good. The few italic parts are from the revelations so feel free to skip that part. Anyways, on with the story.

Don't own NGE.

* * *

**Human Misery**

**

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Chapter Ten: Sir, Yes Sir!**

It was 4:30 in the afternoon and it was dead. I mean a total ghost town. No one, nobody. Seeing that there was nothing interesting to do, I caught sight of the bible from my shelf. I picked it up, blew away some dust and skipped over to the Revelations.

"_This is the Revelation of Jesus Christ, which God gave him to show to his servants the things which must happen soon, which he sent and made known by his angel to his servant, John, who testified to God's word, and of the testimony of Jesus Christ, about everything that he saw…"_

I gave a sigh and skipped over a few pages…

"_I saw a mighty angel coming down out of the sky, clothed with a cloud. A rainbow was on his head. His face was like the sun, and his feet like pillars of fire._ _He had in his hand a little open book. He set his right foot on the sea and his left on the land._ _He cried with a loud voice, as a lion roars. _

_When he cried, the seven thunders uttered their voices._ _When the seven thunders sounded, I was about to write; but I heard a voice from the sky saying, "Seal up the things which the seven thunders said, and don't write them."_

_The angel who I saw standing on the sea and on the land lifted up his right hand to the sky, and swore by him who lives forever and ever, who created heaven and the things that are in it, the earth and the things that are in it, and the sea and the things that are in it, that there will no longer be delay,_ _but in the days of the voice of the seventh angel, when he is about to sound, then the mystery of God is finished, as he declared to his servants, the prophets._

_The voice which I heard from heaven, again speaking with me, said, "Go, and take the book which is open in the hand of the angel who stands on the sea and on the land."_

_I went to the angel, telling him to give me the little book. _

_He said to me, "Take it, and eat it up. It will make your stomach bitter, but in your mouth it will be as sweet as honey."_

_I took the little book out of the angel's hand, and ate it up. It was as sweet as honey in my mouth. When I had eaten it, my stomach was made bitter._

_They told me, "You must prophesy again over many peoples, nations, languages, and kings."_

Closing the bible, I put it back on the shelf. During my school years, a colleague recommended the bible as a must read.

"_To build up some moral beliefs," _he said to me._ "In case people ask you what are you beliefs are, you'll have this to fall back on. You're more of the judgmental and condemning type. Try the revelations. Maybe it will be the thing that will change your life." _

Like the cello, I had kept the bible for two things: one, for the constant reminder that people will give you the stupidest things based on perception and two…paperweight. I am not a Christian so I have no idea if this will ever happen or not. The part I just read did pose a question to me and it was that out of interest…

Angels. The first thing that god created were angels. Given semi-divine powers, they continue to watch over us humans. The Christian perspective states that angels are good and that are beings there to help us in our lives. Last time I checked, I think those things were called angels too, weren't they? If there is a god, where is he? That must be the question that Christians today are asking.

At any rate, I looked at the clock. It was five o'clock now. At this time, I decided to pack up and head on home when suddenly…the phone rang.

"Hello?"

I knew the voice. It was the secretary. _"A girl with white hair, red eyes and a funny stare is here to see you. Should I send her in?"_

I wanted to say**_ "No, she can come back tomorrow."_** However that wouldn't work for me.

"Send her in," I replied.

There was a click on the phone and I sat there. Few minutes later, there was Rei standing at the door. Mind you that the door was already open. It was freaky really…she was just standing there.

After a few minutes of looking at each other, I said to her, "Come in and have a seat."

She then came in and took her seat. After I was done writing, I looked at her. She was starring at me.

Setting my pen aside, I asked her, "Why did you come? You knew that our appointment was at 3. You knew that it was going to be too late."

"I know…"

"Then why? Did it ever come to mind that there would be no point in coming here if the appointed time would be in arrears?"

"… … …"

"Means 'late."

"… … …"

Again silence. I spoke again. "Did you decide to meet me yourself or did someone else tell you to meet me?"

"Commander Ikari told me to meet you."

"Okay…" I wrote a note on my paper and continued. "What would you say about your pilots."

"…they are pilots, nothing more."

"So you don't plan to develop a relationship with your teammates anytime soon."

"No…They are pilots, nothing more."

Again I wrote. "Tell me, are you comfortable in what you do?"

"… … …"

"What I mean is how you feel when going out there and defending us from the angels."

"…it is only a task."

"Do you feel any recognition, a sense of being proud?"

"It is only a task. I am to do what I am ordered to."

Looking straight at her, I asked, "if I told you to jump off a cliff, would you do it?"

"No…" was the reply.

I then asked her, "if Commander Ikari told you to jump off a cliff, would you do it?"

"Yes…" was the reply.

"So if Misato, Ritsuko or any other superior of NERV told you to jump off a cliff, would you do it?"

"Yes…"

I wrote again. "From what you're telling me, you will follow orders to the very letter. Even if it means risking your life are you still willing to do it?"

She gave me a quick glance before answering my question with one of my own. "Isn't that what I am doing right now? Risking my life when I pilot the EVA?"

Shit. She was good. She knew that defending us from angels was already putting her life on the line.

"Wow…I am impressed."

Again silence. I had the feeling that she didn't want to talk much. Unlike her counterparts, Rei had a personality of a doll.

"Let's say that I asked you to jump of a cliff. You would say no. Why is that? What makes me so different from your superiors?"

She replied, "I know that my superiors would not tell me to do something foolish without any valid reason. Therefore if you tell me to jump off a cliff then it is towards your own gain. I do not know whether or not your gains are either foolish or wise."

"Do you trust your superiors then?"

"I trust in what they tell me."

Glancing at the clock, I saw it was already 6:15. I wrote again. "Why were you late anyways?"

"There was an angel attack within NERV HQ. The Magi were in danger. The others were successful in defeating it."

"When you say others, do you mean Asuka and Shinji?"

"No. My superiors were able to handle the angel."

"I see…You are dismissed, Rei. Do you know how to get back home by yourself?"

"Yes," she said getting up.

I was looking over my notes when I asked the question. The notes are what follows:

* * *

_Rei will follow orders to the last letter. _

_Her relations with her teammates are non-existent so far. _

_The' cliff question' proves that she trusts her superiors with her life and safety. _

_Rei will talk only when prompted to. _

_Sometimes she gives a straight answer, sometimes she doesn't._

_Rei is respectable to her superiors. Especially to the commander._

_Overall evaluation for today: Rei is a strange characters, keeps to herself. She needs to get out of her shell, sort of speak._

_

* * *

_

___"Well make sure you're…" I looked up. She was already gone. ****__"Who do you think you are, Batman?"_

___I made my way to the window. The secretary was leaving._

___"I'm off, M. See you tomorrow."_

___"Yeah…tomorrow." I waved her off. Looking over the semi-lit room, I looked over every detail…including the bible on the shelf. That reawakened my question and I thought about it._

___In my own weird way, I asked the sky, ****__"now…what would you be plotting?"_

___****__

* * *

_The ending might be screwy and I'm sorry about that. Anyways, I hoped that you like this chapter. Four pages, that's an improvement. Please R&R and no flames. Absolutely, NO FLAMES.


	11. Stop Thinking

Another chapter. This time it is about the aftermath of Rei's evaluation. Enjoy.

Don't own NGE.

* * *

**Human Misery**

**

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Chapter Eleven: Stop Thinking**

I awoke the next morning in a cold sweat. You can probably say that I had a nightmare of some sort or it was just plain hot. I couldn't remember it though. It is funny how the human mind works, isn't it. Nevertheless, I still had a job to do.

Later that day I was in my office, seeing off my latest patient. (She had an affair with another man who had more social status than her present husband. I told her options and she was satisfied, I guess.) Once she left, there was a ring.

"What is it?" I asked the phone. Once again, it was the secretary.

"_There's a man here to see you," _she replied.

"What kind of man?"

"_Well…he has a mechanical look. Short brown hair, black sunglasses…"_

"And all of the characteristics that a robot would have. Send him in." I could only guess who it could be. A few minutes passed and standing at the door was Agent Smith.

"What could have possibly caused you to grace me with your presence today agent?" I asked him.

He cleared his throat and he spoke. "Such idle talk will not get us anywhere, will it M?"

"I suppose," I got up and I showed him a seat.

"I prefer standing."

"**_Humph, whatever._** You still haven't answered my question. Why are you here?"

"My orders come directly from Commander Ikari himself. He wants you not to distract the pilots state of mind with all of your psychological questions and comments."

"Then I wouldn't be doing my job, would I agent? Please tell Commander Ikari that NERV has hired me to look into the psychological difficulties that these pilots face."

"He also says that Rei is at a risk of change if she continues this ridiculous submission to your psychological treatment. She was perfectly fine the way she was. He says that he will see to it personally that no more sessions will be scheduled with you."

I looked at him funny. "What are you, Commander Ikari's personal assistant?"

"I am just following orders. Now that you are aware of the present situation, my job is done." He gave a solemn bow and took his leave. "Have a nice day."

As the elevator doors opened and closed from the outside, I shook off this interruption. **_"It's all fine with me. That's one less mouth to worry about anyways."_** Being the person that I am, I was bound to think about that sooner or later. I continued my day without any more incidents. The day was going smoothly and the issue of Rei not seeing me anymore didn't bother me…until later that night.

It was 6:00 in the evening. The secretary was getting ready to leave.

"See you tomorrow," she said in her own cheerful way.

"Huh? Sure…right…tomorrow." I waved her off. The sun was setting and the scenery looked nice. I was distracted by this. I was also distracted by another fact…that meeting with Smith and what he said regarding Rei…

"_He also says that Rei is at a risk of change if she continues this ridiculous submission to your psychological treatment. She was perfectly fine the way she was. He says that he will see personally that no more sessions will be scheduled with you." _

"**_At a risk of change? Isn't that why NERV sent the pilots to me?"_** This was true. However Gendo did say that the idea wasn't his. Misato and Kozo came up with the idea. So why did Gendo agree to it? Why?

"**_A good question…why don't we analyze that, shall we?"_** When I was stressed, I had a tendency to debate whatever was bothering me with the voice within my head. It was a thing that they teach you in psychology class. I nicknamed the voice after a while. His name was 'brain.'

I quickly gave a response. "Maybe it was because he saw something that would make Rei better. He treats everyone like jerks. However to Rei…that's a different story."

Brain responded to this. **_"Damn straight it's a different story. It seems that he's involved with her in some way…"_**

"Yeah…by being her superior, being her supervisor…"

"_**I mean without the professional work relationship. He wanted Rei to see you…now he doesn't. Something must have happened that made him not want her to see you again."**_

"Okay, if you're so smart, tell me what it is."

"_**What did you say in your last meeting?"**_

"How you felt, what is it like being with these people? Oh, I raised the 'cliff' question." Then it hit me…

_Looking straight at her, I asked, "If I told you to jump off a cliff, would you do it?"_

"_No…" was the reply._

_I then asked her, "If Commander Ikari told you to jump off a cliff, would you do it?"_

"_Yes…" was the reply. _

"_So if Misato, Ritsuko or any other superior of NERV told you to jump off a cliff, would you do it?"_

"_Yes…"_

"_From what you're telling me, you will follow orders to the very letter. Even if it means risking your life are you still willing to do it?"_

_She gave me a quick glance before answering my question with one of my own. "Isn't that what I am doing right now? Risking my life when I pilot the EVA?"_

_Shit. She was good. She knew that defending us from angels was already putting her life on the line. _

"_Wow…I am impressed."_

"_**What happened at this point that made Gendo think that you were a threat to Rei?"**_

I thought. I thought and I thought and I thought about this. This moment. This key moment is the answer to this question. That session was all about Rei following orders. So maybe…

"It may be a possibility that Gendo doesn't want to change Rei's order taking personality. That's why he sees me as a threat. I'm changing her." Rei didn't go home until late at night. I supposed Gendo called her about out talk. She must have gone through every detail with him. Our talk must have prompted Rei to think on her own emotions for a quick moment. She was developing a sense of independence. I suspect that Gendo doesn't want Rei to have this independability.

"_**So how would you put this in your words…?"**_

"I'M GETTING SCREWED OUT OF THE JOB!" It was my job to change these pilots or make improvements at least. I realized Rei's problem and Gendo didn't want me changing it. I was going to confront him about this issue…commander or not.

"Thanks brain."

"**_Anytime…"_** Then silence once again. I was wondering why I was caring for Rei. Better question: why was I caring for these pilots? They were only clients, nothing more. But then again…

"_What would you say about your pilots?" _

"…_they are pilots, nothing more."_

"_So you don't plan to develop a relationship with your teammates anytime soon."_

"_No…They are pilots, nothing more."_

Is that what I perceived people? They were clients, nothing more? They were co-workers, nothing more? They were jerks, nothing more? If this was the case, then I was a jerk. A big jerk. I knew I was a jerk and this didn't bother me before.

"_Hey buddy, closing time!"_ I turned around to see the janitor. I looked at the clock. It was indeed closing time. I gathered my things and headed out the door. While I was walking towards the elevator, I couldn't help stop thinking about Rei and the other two pilots.

"_**What the hell were those kids doing to me? Am I picking at their brain or is it the other way around. Damn it Rei, why did you say things that would make me think!" **_

The elevator opened and I got in. As the doors were closing, I wore a tired face.

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So our psychologist is finding trouble within himself. All thanks to Rei. What a turn of events? What will happen? Please R&R. 


	12. An Enraged Psychologist

Sorry for the late update. This is an incredibly short chapter. Anyways, enjoy.

Don't own NGE.

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**Human Misery**

**

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Chapter Twelve: An Enraged Psychologist **

Now it was one thing that you were fired from your job because you did a crappy job but it was another thing if you were fired from your job because of someone's own damn ambitions. I wasn't going to let some over strict commander tell me what and what not to do to those pilots. NERV hired me and now he wants to pull the plug on the whole thing? I never leave a job unfinished…I was a perfectionist by nature.

After going through my daily routine, I made my way to NERV HQ. When I arrived, someone was already waiting for me. It was Kozo.

"I suppose that you got the news," he said calmly. However I was more than calm.

"I am not happy," I answered him. "And do you know why I am not happy?"

"Settle down. Commander Ikari needs the consent of me and those involved in your psychological evaluation before he can proceed with this course of action. He doesn't have the power to remove you from your position here directly. He may be the Commander but he needs our support-"

"But it seems that Gendo is going through his own actions without the consent of you and the others. Therefore while you claim to be doing something about this situation, I see you guys doing shit!"

"The news came to me yesterday. I was as surprised as you were. We plan to discuss this in a civilized manner in a meeting scheduled for this afternoon…"

"Not good enough dammit, not good enough!" I stormed passed him and into the elevator. I pushed the elevator button up to the head office with frustration. I was never so wronged before. The elevator sprung open and I saw Gendo in my sights. He had his hands closed together with his face pressed against them. He stared at me.

"HEY!"

Gendo shifted his glasses, and then replied. "If you're going to talk about Rei, she is the property of NERV, as of all the other pilots. Therefore I have a responsibility to them including having them not see a psycho psychologist who uses unorthodox methods to his own ends!"

"Are you stupid?"

He stood up. "Who do you think you're talking to?"

"I'm talking to a man who is interested in his own needs instead of the pilot's needs."

"And I am obviously looking after the well-being of my pilots thus making your accusation pointless."

"_Your_ pilots? To you, they are nothing more than soldiers. You use fear of superiority and discipline on these pilots. You don't want them to develop a sense of independency because it will screw you and your plans."

He sat there. "If they have independency, they will then have beliefs. If they have beliefs, they will revolt when ordered to do something that is against their beliefs. Having less beliefs as possible means a decreased chance in revolt. With obedience you will effectively finish the job. With fear and discipline, you can tell them to do something without a murmur. What you are doing will weaken them, making them completely useless when that time comes."

"Is that so?"

"If you cannot understand that, then you shouldn't be here. They are here to protect us…all of us. Nothing more, nothing less."

"Your view is screwed up. They are only kids, dammit! Don't you understand that?"

"I don't care. They will protect Tokyo-3 from the angels. They will do whatever they are ordered to do. That is what they are suppose to do. That is their job."

I had to admit, he put up a good argument.

"Now get out of here before I call security." He then proceeded to continue his work. He may have won this battle but the end result will go against his actions. And he'll be one pissed off commander when this happens.

* * *

Sorry for the short chapter. I haven't been "inspired" lately. I've been checking out a whole lot of stuff including other anime. Don't worry though. I'll update as soon as I get an idea. Till then, please R&R. 


	13. M The Advocate

Another chapter. Sorry that this one took so long. Summer vacation and all. Plus my interests were in other things. Anyways, enjoy.

Don't own NGE.

* * *

**Human Misery**

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**Chapter Thirteen: M The Advocate**

As I walked through the halls of headquarters, I began to wonder. Why was I doing this? Why did I care? Such feelings did not occur to me before. This all began when I took up the job as being a psychological evaluator for these children. I was seriously thinking about this like it mattered. But it didn't. Not to me. Losing a patient by injustice could not possibly effect me in any emotional way.

"**_Why was I doing this? Why did I care?" _**I thought this as I made my way to the cafeteria. It was almost the time of the meeting. Of course, I intended to be present there. With the little change I had, I bought myself a coffee and sat down in a secluded area, away from the main crowd. I thought being by myself would help make sense of this whole situation and to get my emotions in order.

"**_Rei...damn her. Damn her and her logical sense."_** I cursed this girl. I wasn't used in having psychological sense used on me. I used it on my patients and it helped them in a way. Suddenly, my thoughts were interrupted by a voice.

"_Mind if I sat with you?"_ I looked up and saw Maya with a tray full of food. I gave a shrug, "it's a free country."

She sat down and we both were in our own thoughts. Silence.

Maya, in which I didn't know her intention was, decided to initiated a conversation. "Hey."

"Hmm?"

"What's eating you? I mean, your usually gloomy but never this gloomy."

"Does it matter?"

"Yes."

"If you must know," I said as I sipped my coffee rather dignified, "I have my brain racked into a situation that is rather complex in which your intelligence will have difficulty understanding it."

Maya looked at me funny. "Are you making fun at me?"

"Does a camel have lips?"

She gave a murmur. "...Ok."

"What?"

"Tell me what the situation is. Come on."

Finally I relented. "Okay. Rei came in the other day and we talked. The next day, in the form of Agent Smith, Commander Ikari decided to cancel all of our future sessions with Rei. At first I was like 'whatever' about the idea but then the thought of Ikari's intentions changed my mind. This morning I met with Ikari in which he justified his actions. After this, all of these emotions and feelings started to come in. Anger, helplessness, frustration...all foreign to me."

"You mean you're not used to feeling like that? I thought in your line of profession would make you feel like that 24/7."

"I have never had a patient that made me feel this way. I was calm, precise and relentless to reveal the truth. You can say I never had emotions because of...past incidents."

"Hmm...well...everyone and I mean everyone here feel like that. It seems that you're going to develop emotions that you've never experienced before. For a person to have no emotions about anything. That's scary to me."

"That's only in your perspective. My perspective is totally different from yours. To honestly believe that having no emotions is scary is untrue. Just look how I turned out."

"That's reassuring," Maya said in a snide tone.

Suddenly, the intercom blared out. "_Could the psychological evaluator, M, meet in Commander Ikari's office right away. That's the psychological evaluator to the Commander's office."_

"And so we begin again."

"I thought you had a meeting with Commander Ikari already," Maya said.

"Yeah. This is with the other people who hired me though."

"Oh...then. Good luck with that."

"Right..." I took my empty cup of coffee and threw it out as I made my way back to the Commander's office. When I arrived, Ritsuko, Misato and Kozo were already there with Commander Ikari. Rei also made her presence known.

"Ladies and gentleman," I said to all of them. "Shall we begin?"

"Let us begin then," Gendo said. "I'll be brief. When you three made this idea known, I had no problems with it. However when you said you wanted Rei to be part of this as well, I had my doubts."

"That is correct, Commander," Ritsuko confirmed with him, "reason being-"

"Let me finish," Gendo requested in an unkind tone. "Rei was already mentally fit for duty. However the meeting Rei had with M did not fair well according to Rei's report. I see no reason to continue this evaluation if this is going to interrupt with her sync ratio as well as her ability to pilot EVA."

Everyone then looked at me. "Okay. You have told your standpoint and I still don't know what's the problem Gendo."

"Commander Ikari to you," Gendo said in a pissed off tone.

"Commander Ikari, Gendo, tomato, tomatoe, whatever. Does it really matter?"

"You know what's the problem is? Your attitude. If you going to continue to work here, then I suggest that you change your attitude!"

"Look, I don't even change my attitude towards the old geezers towards Tokyo-3's psychological board. They keep me because my methods are effective as well as time saving. What makes you think that I'm going to change here?"

Gendo stood up. "YOU LISTEN-"

"No you listen. The problem is not my attitude towards these pilots. This attitude is called life. The problem to you is the methods I'm using on these kids. You don't agree with it."

"Then why don't you change your methods?" Misato asked.

"Because they are effective. They work. Ask anyone, they get the results. If you want me to get into the heads of those pilots, you leave my methods the way they are."

"THE HELL I WILL!" Gendo exploded, "IT ARE THESE METHODS AND YOUR ATTITUDE THAT ARE DESTROYING THESE PILOTS!"

Everyone was looking at him. At first I was surprised at Gendo's sudden outburst. Looking around, I noticed Rei was standing right beside him. Then I thought of using his 'tool' against him.

"Ok...I think I have a way to end this issue as well as this conversation."

"What do you propose?" Kozo inquired.

"Ask Rei."

We all then turned to Rei, who was looking blankly into space as usual.

"Rei," Gendo asked her, "what is your view about this whole situation."

She took a minute to answer. "What do you wish me to think, sir?"

"And there lies the problem," I exclaimed.

"What the hell do you mean?" Gendo asked me.

"If she had some sort of independency then she wouldn't ask a stupid question like that." I walked over to Rei.

Kozo asked me, "What are planning to do?"

"To prove a point," I reassured him. I looked at her and she looked at me.

I cleared my throat. With the uneasy feeling that I had, I asked her, "tell me, Rei. How do you feel?"

She blinked. She blinked again. "I don't know."

"Angry, depressed, happy, sad, anything?"

"I feel nothing. I feel...nothing."

I asked her, "do you want me to tell you how you feel?"

A long silence. Then she replied, "tell me how I feel."

"You feel lonely, regretful of your position and loathing of the fact that no one cares about you." Mind you this was an example, of course.

"Then that is what I feel then. I feel lonely, regretful and loathing."

I stopped and gave a look to the people present.

"Don't you all get it? This girl will do the will of her superiors like she's a machine. No soul. And you guys want her like that? Is this normal for these pilots? I don't know the specifics of the EVAs but if you call this normal then you have butchered the only thing that these kids have. That is emotion. Remember the fact that they are adolescents and not soldiers."

Gendo looked like he was going to kill me. He tried to suppress his anger. "That is merely logic. People are not moved by logic. **We **are not moved by logic."

The others look confused. Seeing that no more could be said, I decided to take my leave. It would have been for the best, anyways. As I waited for the elevator, I wondered if they were hiding something. Then someone called my name. It was Kozo.

"Kozo."

"You are playing a dangerous game, M. It would be wise if you cease and desist this kind of action."

"Get a grip. You know those kids need help. Gendo's interference is costing one of my patient's rights."

"I thought you didn't care about them. They are patients, after all."

"But it's the principal fact that the interference Gendo is causing is effecting the kind of work Rei is capable to do. I do have my principals, don't I?"

"Still...You do realize that after this Commander Ikari will hate you. Things won't be easy."

The elevator doors opened. "What else is new. But the good thing is..."

Kozo was puzzled, "What is the good thing about the Commander hating you?"

I replied his stupid question with a stupid answer. "He gets to join a club. I hear that they sell t-shirts and hats these days."

* * *

Well, how did you like it? I noticed myself that this chapter is a little rushed and there might be some things that you guys may disagree with. But that's what I have you all for! Please help and review. R&R, no flames, you get the idea. 


	14. Fight For Your Life

Okay…

Okay…

Okay…

I'm sorry.

There. A heartfelt apology for all of those who are still interested to Evangelion and to this story. There were a whole lot of things going on so I didn't get a chance to update for the longest time. Anyways, here's the chapter. Enjoy.

Oh, and another thing. FullMetal Alchemist is going to be here but is going to be a TV show that is fictional but not as popular. I hope it won't screw up the storyline.

**Human Misery**

**Chapter Fourteen: Fight for Your Life**

That night I couldn't sleep. Tossing and turning did nothing and as I looked at the clock, it read 2:15 in the morning. I realized that I wouldn't get to sleep anytime soon and then started to the living room to see if anything decent was on. As I flipped the channels, it was infomercials, re-runs or blanked screens. However as I turned to channel 37, expecting nothing, there was something on. A cartoon that was in the middle of its show and it involved some guys in blue uniforms. I decided that since there was nothing else on, I settle with this…

There was an older man and a younger man who was standing right behind him. He was shouting to another man sitting at a desk that was obviously imitating but paid no attention to him. _"Why? Because of their doctrines the Isbalans have neither alchemists nor up-to-date weaponry. Want them to demonize us even more? You think that's a long term answer?"_

The imitating man cut him off, still not paying attention to him, while looking at a golden object in his hand, _"Did you bring the materials?"_

The older man sighed, _"I did Colonel but they're still under research…and like I told you we don't need them." _

The imitating man continued, _"Have you not seen the reports, the resistance is growing."_

The older man stood his ground, _"That's because your excessive use of force is creating sympathizers, it's easier for the Isbalans to recruit the other tribes…"_

There was chuckle. The attention was then drawn to a black haired guy wearing a ponytail. _"What are you trying to say? That our Fuhrer's great cause is unjust?"_ He drew something on his hands and then showed it to the two giving another chuckle.

The imitating man then spoke. _"We've lost several thousand men. The civilian causalities are well beyond that, the whole country's unstable. This isn't a humanitarian summit, this is war. Now turn them over, Crystal Alchemist, that's an order."_

The older man gave another sigh and started to open a briefcase slowly. As he opened it, he revealed three red little jars. Then some gloomy music started and the guy with the ponytail murmured with excitement. The imitating man picked up one of the jars and started at it hungrily. _"Dominance in a bottle men. Alchemic augmentation. It's my job to end this war quickly and with this I can."_

The show went to commercial and that was when I decided to turn it off. Although I didn't know what was going on, I could tell that they were men of war. And this alone posed a thought.

War. What was its purpose? Control, dominance, power, economy, just to name a few. What every human being what is to live the good life and enjoy all of life's luxuries and to have the power to boss other people around? Corporations do it, the government does it, and we all do it. It depends on where you lie on the social ladder. So what about now? We fight over what little resources we have because of the Second Impact to achieve that good life those we so desire. We've got a dog-eat-dog world kind of system here. You can't survive? Tough? Broken and can't get up? What good are you? We humans have evolved to creatures that care about our own well-being. Our message to others? Screw you.

That cartoon provided me with some new topics I could pose on the kids. What would their intake be on this whole issue? They are children of war after all. Their feelings, their reactions, their beliefs. As I made my way back to the bedroom, wrapped myself under the sheets and closed my eyes, the words of the imitating man lingered on.

"_Dominance in a bottle men. Alchemic augmentation. It's my job to end this war quickly and with this I can."_

I felt like answering that man's statement. **_"So you need something in a bottle to do your job? How pathetic are you? No more thinking, sleep."_**

The next morning, as I made my way to the office I made a big yawn. Sleeping at 2:45 in the morning wasn't the best thing to do. Miss Secretary was already hard at work.

"Didn't you have a good sleep?" she asked.

"I suppose the yawn is a dead giveaway. Anyways I want you to call NERV for me and ask them if I can see those kids all at once."

"All at once?" she asked, dumbfounded at my request. "You mean not privately?"

"Yeah. Set it up by 1 o'clock this afternoon. 3, the latest." Before she could reply, I hastily made my way to my office. No need for her to complain about her job, just do the thing.

Today was as slow and by noon I was out of patients. I decided to take a nap since it wasn't busy. I was about to drowse off before the phone rang. As usual, it was the secretary.

"I hope that you have something interesting for me," I said to her.

"Remember that request you made about seeing those kids those morning?" she asked me.

"Yeah?"

"Well…"

At that time, I heard screaming coming down from the hall.

"_WHAT DO YOU MEAN, IT'S MY FAULT!"_

"_WELL, IF YOU DIDN'T ACT SO STUPID ALL THE TIME, WE WOULDN'T BE HERE!"_

Judging by the tone of voices, it was a girl and a boy arguing. Hmm…I wonder who it could be? A few minutes later, there stood three pilots plus a purple haired Major.

"**_Oh, this should be interesting?"_ **I got up and saluted. "The three pilots and…oh…What brings me this pleasant surprise, Major?"

"Oh, ha, ha, very funny," Misato said in a grumpy tone. "I'm just here to keep an eye on you."

"Oh?"

"The commander doesn't trust you thanks to your sudden outburst yesterday. It's my job to make sure you don't pull any funny business, got that?"

"If your job involves just standing around and keeping and eyeball on me then grab a seat and try not to touch anything." Misato gave a loud humph and sat down near the corner. The rest of the group sat down as well.

"Well what was all that shouting this now?" I asked them. Shinji started.

"Asuka accused me of dragging her here. She says that it's because I'm an inferior pilot so that's why were here."

Asuka snapped back. "Well, it's true isn't it? How many times do I have to save your hide from these angels?" Rei was the only one not talking while Misato was still sulking at the corner.

To prevent another heated argument, I intervened with a comment. "What is this, grade school? Your what, fourteen years old and your arguing like eight year olds with a wet diaper."

"_That's pretty redundant,"_ Misato mumbled.

I continued, "Let's see. I had a deep discussion with Rei about the importance of following orders and such."

"So what?" Asuka asked. "Rei talked, a huge discovery, big whoop. I could have told you that following orders is the only way not to get burnt by the higher ups."

"Well what's your intake on this? Shinji?"

"Ah…On what?" Shinji asked, exquisitely.

"If you were paying attention instead of spacing out, we are talking about the importance of following orders. From orders actions are taken. From that chain of actions, a battle forms and from a battle leads to a war. You see how all of this connects?"

"What does this whole conversation have to do with anything?"

"Everything. The EVA's, the co-workers, your friends, your position at NERV, just to name a few. What I'm getting at are the battles that your getting yourselves into. Not just with the angels, but with the people you interact with as well."

"Oh boy, he's in his psychological mode people. Let's just back away," Asuka said in her usual sarcastic tone.

"Unless you want to stay in an extra hour, I suggest that you stop acting stupid and listen. What you fail to understand my talkative, spineless and anti-social friends is that battles like these can make an everlasting impression no matter what age or type of person you are. Your laws of morality do not apply once on the battlefield. On the battlefield, your opinions don't matter."

"Opinions are mere thoughts used to express mankind's deepest feelings for a certain person, thing or situation," Rei analyzed.

"I suppose that's the sugar-coated version, yes. So…"

"Get on with it!" Asuka shouted. Obviously she was getting impatient with all of the talking.

"What's do you think about these battles?"

"The battles?" Shinji and Asuka asked simultaneously.

"The angels? The co-workers? Just about anyone who you talk to."

"Battles…" Rei started. "Battles are created in order to resolve certain conflicts. It is a way for us to force the opposing force to see what is morally right to us or to protect someone or something from harm."

"I didn't ask for a definition Rei. How do you feel about fight these battles?"

"I feel that we're doing something," Asuka proudly said. "We are there to protect mankind from the angels. That's our job. That's it."

"I don't know," Shinji replied to her statement. "I mean, are we supposed to fight these battles because we are told to? How about the other people? They aren't fighting these angels. We are. Where's our life? Our childhood?"

Asuka snorted at him. "Your childhood is long gone. You grew up when you decided to become an EVA pilot."

"Nevertheless, Shinji does provide an interesting point," I said to them. As Misato was watching me, very carefully. I paced around the room.

"What's that suppose to mean?" Asuka asked.

"Well think about it. Let's say that you're living a normal childhood and one day some complete stranger comes along and says that you're going to be mankind's protectors. Then you are forced by more strangers to follow orders, pilot machines, go over intense training, etc, etc. It is then and there you are not a child anymore. You are a person of war."

"That is illogical," Rei replied.

"How so?"

"We were chosen to become EVA pilots. Me being the first, Asuka being the second and Shinji being the third."

"So in other words, doc," Asuka continued, "we knew what we were getting ourselves into when they said we had to be the protectors of mankind."

"Still," I said to them, "Being mankind's protectors is a big responsibility. You are holding the entire fate of the world in your hands. Furthermore there's everyday life. All of those things that's going on, the stress, the work. How does that feel?"

"Now that you put it like that," Shinji said suddenly, "it does sound stressful."

"And time consuming," Asuka added. "A girl has a life, you know."

"Yeah, but not an EVA girl. You have to put your personal life on hold because the fate of the world-"

"How long are you going to go on that?" a voice came from the corner. Misato had an impatient look on her face. "Seems to me that you're going around in circles."

"So how would you all finish up this conversation?" I asked each of them.

Rei gone first. "We fight because we must. We are given our orders. We must carry them out."

Asuka stood up proudly. "Fighting battles are the only way to end the fighting altogether. One battle at a time we'll make the world safer for all mankind."

"Battles," Shinji mumbled. "We keep fighting them and yet it just won't stop. What hope do we have against years of battles that are ahead of us in the future?"

"Okay…This conversation this officially over!" Misato said standing up. As the group stood up and got ready to leave. I took some mental notes…

_Rei analyzes everything. Like some kind of dictionary. Has no human input whatsoever._

_Asuka is full of herself. Proudly proclaiming her EVA status and protector of the world. _

_Shinji is all about question and confusion. Philosophical sense is clouded by his bewilderment and self-questioning._

_Why the hell did the Commander send that idiot Major? What a pain._

"Doc?" I turned around to see Shinji standing there.

"Is there anything you want to add, Shinji?"

He stood there for only a few seconds and then spoke again. "Battles, wars, arguments, justification. That's what fighting is all about. What do you think it means?"

I thought about it for a while. Then, for some unknown reason, the words of the intimidating man surfaced.

"_Dominance in a bottle men. Alchemic augmentation. It's my job to end this war quickly and with this I can."_

"_In a bottle…"_ I mumbled.

"Pardon?"

Rearranging some words and replacing them, you get my reply to Shinji.

"Dominance in a bottle, Shinji. A human augmentation. It's your job to end this all quickly and with these you can."

Shinji looked up and then down again.

"_SHINJI, GET OUT HERE! I WANNA GO HOME!"_ The voice of Asuka beckoned him. As he left, I remembered the intimidating man's face as he said that quote. Now that's the kind of guy I could relate to.

Yeah…so…you know the drill. If you have any comments, suggestions or just want to talk, leave me a review. For those who still want more, thank you for your patronage. I'll try to keep this story alive.


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